"Stupify"-Neville Longbottom

Today I was hijacked. Rather my computer was hijacked. By my security software!

I accidentally updated the Avast security software. It immediately flagged my files as trojans. Then it steadfastly refused to be uninstalled.

I immediately called the Wizard of Odd to fix things. After hours of equally devious hacking, stealthy maneuvering, not to mention some swear words I hadn't heard before, he was forced to cede the field of battle.

I was shocked, I tell you, shocked!! The Wizard is computer guy extraordinaire. He's also as bull-headed as they come. He's a Taurus after all. He never gives up.

After thrashing around his office half the night, he found out Avast had purposely turned into pirates. And not the rascally pirates I generally like, but the evil, villainous, fraudster kind everyone hates.

Their "update" infected millions of users. They said it was an accident. Yeah, right. And if you believe that, there's some land in Prague for sale you can see at low tide.

The good news is, the Wizard conquered it. My hero!